Relationship Between in-Laws

[<>Kavita<>]

ennala ithu.... ellarum argue pannuvingge'nu nenachi oru topic create panna...
ingge ellarum future planning patthi pesikittu irukingge.... hehhehe

he he he Kumar, leave it to us ladies..we can make the topic hot & at the
same time we can make it cool too

[Kumaresh-n]

he he he Kumar, leave it to us ladies..we can make the topic hot & at the
same time we can make it cool too

hehehehe..... ok..ok.. aunties ellam discussing.... naan thalayide virumbale
hahha... kadeisiyileh... conclusion mattum enna'nu sollengge...

[KuranguKutty]

kumar.....ethukkum next gathering pokumpothu.. wear ur healmat.....and some protective gears 

im not sure if u go home in one piece

[<>Kavita<>]

kumar.....ethukkum next gathering pokumpothu.. wear ur healmat.....and some protective gears 

im not sure if u go home in one piece

yeann vikki..we are not a violent lot u know

[Subha]

still keep calling us aunties...

[Kumaresh-n]

hmmmm... i have a question... its sounds cool when the parents themself took the initiative to let their children to start their own life without their support.. apparently, this will motivate them (the young couples) to stand on their own... they will have their own time, free from everything, their responsibility, as well as the commitments... we all know that to stand alone in your new life is not an easy thing..  this will surely help the young couple to be more matured...

But....

Even if the parents let them live alone, when they reach the golden ages, they still need to be taken care by sum1.... with all the commitments & excitements above, will the children be able, or at least bothered about the folks??.... yeah, i knw that most of you are still taking care of your parents even if ur not living with them... .but look out there... most of the parents neva express their sadness to their children, just for the sake of making them happy.... they might pretend to be happy without you all.... BUT deep in their heart, somehow it hurts... its hard to see their little baby gal or boy, have grown up, have his / her own life, have been with them for YEARS... and now they are not living with them....

hmmmm...this is what i hv heard from some old people who opened their heart to say this out...
think about it.... i would love to hear your point of view.... thanks....

[Kumaresh-n]

still keep calling us aunties...

sorry ka... it wont happen again...

[Puspa Sivanathan]

Ok, u r so right kumar. Soonest got married I?m sure the couple will need a lot of independence and space of their own. One may not have this if they stay with parents especially when sis or bro in law too staying together. I mean the one still not married.

In my case, I did stay together for a year and find it?s difficult to get along in certain way. Before married,  I have my own style of living and quote of life. Cannot change immediately for them. do have to admit that I had lots of misunderstanding with many. Trust me, most of the time they have being nosy & overbearing. 

So, I made a decision that I will only stay with my in law soonest all their children got married and move out. Good thing is my hubby agreed. I explained to him that I?m not gonna totally ignore them. I visit them 5 days in a week. Help my MIL with cleaning, dining and etc .  They want to talk many matters, which I will sit and share with them. For them it?s easy talking to me than talking to their other kids. I take care of their expense, bring them where ever they want to go. Do all my responsibility. To show that I never ignore them.  It?s very important to show them that we care. Especially sit and listen to them. People staying closer to them hurts them more. 

So, tell me kumar.. am I being a good DIL.  i have done my part well. not sure about many out there. i see with my eyes and heard sad stories of what u hear too. Can't do anything cause the children have to realise that.

[Subha]

So nice of you puspa akka...ella marumagalgalum ippadi irunthaa maamiyar marumagal sandaye varathu...

but not all of thr DIL like this....so, sad, my anni did this to my family....

[Kumaresh-n]

Thats is so great of you, Puspa ka.... hats off for you... you MIL should be lucky enuf to get you as her DIL... I understand what you are trying to say, I didnt pin point any1...

But I guess you didnt get my point over here... if we take you as example... well now you are young, and still hv the ability, you have the energy, and you can manage your time very well to spare soem time for them, commitments are not that much... so you can take care of your MIL & FIL... sadly, i have to say that most of the couples failed to do so....

But, I was telling about the future... where, you will be in your late 30's... where you have to consider about your kids future (a critical point), you have to well plan your savings, time wont be enuf for yourself also... all your commitments will triple up, you guys just imagine how it would when you are in that age.... and thats the moment where, our parents in law (including our parents) needs a full care from us.... with that much of commitments and pressure... will the couple take care of them??... thats a very big question mark... I am asking this generally, for this kind of complication we need to find out a general solution... hope we can think about it..

[<>Kavita<>]

This is a good question Kumar.....but its also a very grey subject.  The fact is if the inlaws are
good the DIL will be the one wt the probs, or vice versa..in most cases the probs will be with
MIL & DIL or cos of MIL the probs will be with DIL & SIL's

My mum advised me to treat my inlaws as i wld treat my own parents when I got married & that
what I do...parents ot inlaws all get the same treatment....lots of compromise from both party is needed.  So there is no excuse telling that "I/we dont hv the time for the old folks", cos children are part of the family & we all plan for them from the time they are born, & parents & inlaws if fact can help us in a way if we are all united as a family. 

If we plan all well, we wil still be able to care for the elderly  also take care of our won family too, no doubt abt it.  Chinna chinna sandai's & mis understandings are bound to be there but noting a lil open talk cant cure

So kumar, to yr question..its hard to answer as we are what we are...lots of things to consider, ie house (is it big enuf to gv enuf room for the oldies) are u financially stabe to care for them etc etc,.
Some ppl have so much money & a big hse, but trust me the parents or inlaws still prefer to stay seperately..why cos to them its a sense of their own freedom...freedom from nagging grandchildren, tv channel fight ..lots more thambi..u will come across all tis soon. 

What I am saying is all of us wld love to care 4 our parents & inlaws but we must be able to take care of ourselves 1st b4 we can gv a helping hand.   At times, the time spend with them, just sharing thoughts & jokes is more preacious than anything else.  In this current era most parents/in laws are well to do & they prefer to stay on their own & not be taken care by their childrens..this the scenario now.  I know lots of ppl are out there w/o love & care by their childrens....but their stories varies u see...some are really pavvum (ungrateful children) dont care abt their parents/in laws, but some (oldies) are where they are cos of what they hv done previously......I hv seen both the good side & the bad side..thats why I m sharing this....cheers

[-Sha-]

puspa..tats so nice of u...kip it up forever...

kavi aka..well said..
actually DIL & MIL misunderstandings is a very subjective issue..it's all about expectation...MIL will expect the DIL to be as wat she wans and vice versa for DIL...so when the expectation if not fulfilled then it leads to all kind of misunderstandings...but to the extend send them to old folks is kinda too much..but again as kavi aka said it's either bcz of ungrateful children or it's bcz of the sins of the parents...

[Puspa Sivanathan]

So kumar, to yr question..its hard to answer as we are what we are...lots of things to consider, ie house (is it big enuf to gv enuf room for the oldies) are u financially stabe to care for them etc etc,.freedom from nagging grandchildren, tv channel fight ..lots more thambi..u will come across all tis soon. 

i do agree with kavi especially TV CHANNEL FIGHT. my kids always want 616 and my in law want 211 (astro)
In each stage of life, we all sits for life examination. when the time comes for what u r asking now, im pretty sure i will make few mistakes that hurts any partys feeling. i might not have Perfect Score, at the same time will not give up doing my best.

[Kumaresh-n]

 

Naarayana.. Naarayana...


hehe.. this gone beyond my expectation... and now i feel that most of us (unmarried) wud got the picture of wat we might face in da future... prevent is alwiz betta than cure... and i knw that its very hard to get points from the married people, so i had the only option to dig it out by provoking a bit.. hehhe... and im happy with the output...

[-Sha-]

Naarayana.. Naarayana...


hehe.. this gone beyond my expectation... and now i feel that most of us (unmarried) wud got the picture of wat we might face in da future... prevent is alwiz betta than cure... and i knw that its very hard to get points from the married people, so i had the only option to dig it out by provoking a bit.. hehhe... and im happy with the output...

hmm narathar kalagan nanmaileye mudiyum...
well atlaest from the provoking now we know wat type of little consequences we need to face once get married..tq kumar....